When November finally came the girls and I drove their mom to the airport where she boarded a plane to go spend a month away from us. My girls cried while I tried to maintain my composure.
Within a few days the girls and I had a slid routine. We woke without issue got dressed and had breakfast as a family. They called their mom every morning though she did not always answer and when she did it was usually in the fog of a hang-over if not plain drunk. She was considerably vague with them and me but ultimately I still thought she would come to realize what she was destroying was more valuable than what she was seeking.
None the less as a family of three we were a great team and we did well with the absence of their mom. We shared Thanksgiving with my mom and sisters and had a wonderful time. Their mom was scheduled to return the next day and true to her waffling form she called seeking my approval for her to stay longer. In hindsight I should have just said fine and filed for divorce on the grounds of abandonment. What I did was read her the riot act and tell her that if she did not return the next day then she should never return. My girls were having a slumber party and waiting up for the return of their mother. I could only imagine how heartbroken they would have been. She returned and told me how horrible I was for placing her children above her friends. All of her friends hated me for being such an ogre. She spent the next day on the phone trying to ignore the world around her. When she wasn't on the phone she had her ipod blaring in her ears and did her best to ignore or annoy anyone who cared to pay attention.
This November was different. The day after Thanksgiving my daughters celebrated with me and my new bride a start of something wonderful. I remarried and all I can say is thank you to the woman who left me for setting me free to create a better home for them. There is still a struggle for my kids but now when they come here I have the blessing from God to be able to show them what love is, how a man should treat a woman, and how a woman should treat a man. We are forever here a family even when they are far away.
Check back soon for what can only be described as "A Long December"
Monday, December 23, 2013
Wednesday, December 11, 2013
Wow! That was a bit negative...
I just read last weeks post and I can't get myself emotionally back to that point. I'll simply say I am happy about that...
When all of this first started I didn't understand what was going on. As a husband and a father in the home I worked hard to attempt to ensure that my wife and children did not want for anything. I woke early every morning and made it into my downtown New Orleans office to start the day at 7:00 AM. I would work a regular day most times but at least one day a week I trudged on through lunch to get an extra hour in. I left at 4:30 PM every day in order to be home for dinner and to help with the kids homework. All of this would be fine if it were enough to keep the cash flowing. Any recruiter will tell you that it isn't. I often had calls at night to work with candidates and to manage new changes to the process that inevitably came up. The lifestyle we lived could not be supported on a 9-5 job and it always seemed that there was never enough. I have to take equal responsibility for always wanting more.
In retrospect we were not happy with each other so we looked for other things to fill the void of our dissatisfaction.
In September 2009 I was in position to launch into orbit in my career. I was working several high profile searches to include a CEO and a CFO for two separate small cap E&P companies. I had just completed my CPC certification and attended the NAPS convention in Vegas with my then boss and our team. It was a rough trip on the home front. I took my truck keys with me not even thinking that there was any need for it at home while I was gone. It turned out that there was car trouble and the truck was needed. My minor oversight became a huge point of contention but there was unfortunately nothing I could do. My boss and I agreed to cut the trip short and we left a day early before the rest of the team. I got home around midnight on a Friday and woke up on Saturday to a request for a divorce. At first she said that she wanted to move to CA. I responded with the exact same response as every other time we moved. "I'll quit my job and we'll move." I was serious and sincere. She said, "No. I'm leaving." We went back forth over issues and I tried every tactic I could think of to stop the destruction of our family. Our daughters were 6 and 8 at the time and I kept hearing her voice from just 3 years before. She said, "I want the girls to graduate with the same friends they make in elementary school." I worked ridiculously hard to get the home in the best neighborhood and to begin planting roots in the community. All of this was to no avail and felt like a first class waste of time for the entire effort I had made. All I ever wanted to do is satisfy my wife and as it turns out she was simply insatiable and I had failed her.
There are many more colorful ways to make that statement and she is pretty good at putting them together.
For the month of October she planned a trip away from me and the girls to CA. She moved into another room in our place and began roaming everywhere with ear buds and music blasting in her ears. The girls began to notice that she was unavailable to them and it simply broke my heart to watch them struggle with this. I started working from home in order to make sure that the kids got to school on time and get meals prepared for them. Their mom was nowhere to be found. The body that she once inhabited walked around and stirred emotions but had nothing to offer to anyone except verbal announcements of her discontent. She spent time with my friends wife. Spewing her negativity about anything and everything that was me.
I had convinced her to marry me and have kids against her will.
She never loved me.
I was a horrible husband and inattentive father
The thought of kissing me repulsed her
These were just a few of the things often heard by my friends wife and by my daughters. She was still insistent on spending for the things she desired. She did not want to eat what we had at home and she had quit her part time job so she had no money to spend. She was very free with going to the bank and removing money. She purchased a ticket to go to CA for the month of November. I quickly secured another bank account to protect the remaining funds and had my paycheck moved to that account. The account would not receive a check until the middle of November. I was at least able to get the rent paid for November before she spent it all.
I remember thinking at the time that she would come to her senses soon and that we would get through this time. That wasn't to be... I'll tell you about November next week.
When all of this first started I didn't understand what was going on. As a husband and a father in the home I worked hard to attempt to ensure that my wife and children did not want for anything. I woke early every morning and made it into my downtown New Orleans office to start the day at 7:00 AM. I would work a regular day most times but at least one day a week I trudged on through lunch to get an extra hour in. I left at 4:30 PM every day in order to be home for dinner and to help with the kids homework. All of this would be fine if it were enough to keep the cash flowing. Any recruiter will tell you that it isn't. I often had calls at night to work with candidates and to manage new changes to the process that inevitably came up. The lifestyle we lived could not be supported on a 9-5 job and it always seemed that there was never enough. I have to take equal responsibility for always wanting more.
In retrospect we were not happy with each other so we looked for other things to fill the void of our dissatisfaction.
In September 2009 I was in position to launch into orbit in my career. I was working several high profile searches to include a CEO and a CFO for two separate small cap E&P companies. I had just completed my CPC certification and attended the NAPS convention in Vegas with my then boss and our team. It was a rough trip on the home front. I took my truck keys with me not even thinking that there was any need for it at home while I was gone. It turned out that there was car trouble and the truck was needed. My minor oversight became a huge point of contention but there was unfortunately nothing I could do. My boss and I agreed to cut the trip short and we left a day early before the rest of the team. I got home around midnight on a Friday and woke up on Saturday to a request for a divorce. At first she said that she wanted to move to CA. I responded with the exact same response as every other time we moved. "I'll quit my job and we'll move." I was serious and sincere. She said, "No. I'm leaving." We went back forth over issues and I tried every tactic I could think of to stop the destruction of our family. Our daughters were 6 and 8 at the time and I kept hearing her voice from just 3 years before. She said, "I want the girls to graduate with the same friends they make in elementary school." I worked ridiculously hard to get the home in the best neighborhood and to begin planting roots in the community. All of this was to no avail and felt like a first class waste of time for the entire effort I had made. All I ever wanted to do is satisfy my wife and as it turns out she was simply insatiable and I had failed her.
There are many more colorful ways to make that statement and she is pretty good at putting them together.
For the month of October she planned a trip away from me and the girls to CA. She moved into another room in our place and began roaming everywhere with ear buds and music blasting in her ears. The girls began to notice that she was unavailable to them and it simply broke my heart to watch them struggle with this. I started working from home in order to make sure that the kids got to school on time and get meals prepared for them. Their mom was nowhere to be found. The body that she once inhabited walked around and stirred emotions but had nothing to offer to anyone except verbal announcements of her discontent. She spent time with my friends wife. Spewing her negativity about anything and everything that was me.
I had convinced her to marry me and have kids against her will.
She never loved me.
I was a horrible husband and inattentive father
The thought of kissing me repulsed her
These were just a few of the things often heard by my friends wife and by my daughters. She was still insistent on spending for the things she desired. She did not want to eat what we had at home and she had quit her part time job so she had no money to spend. She was very free with going to the bank and removing money. She purchased a ticket to go to CA for the month of November. I quickly secured another bank account to protect the remaining funds and had my paycheck moved to that account. The account would not receive a check until the middle of November. I was at least able to get the rent paid for November before she spent it all.
I remember thinking at the time that she would come to her senses soon and that we would get through this time. That wasn't to be... I'll tell you about November next week.
Monday, December 2, 2013
It's been a while...
Well I have had quite a run since the last post...
No longer working as a headhunter and taking a break from the oil & gas industry I am currently a full time student with plans to start at LSU Health Sciences next fall for the Nursing program.
Years of trying to satisfy the insatiable appetite of my now ex-wife drove me into bankruptcy and a total loss of everything that I thought I was working for. As times got tough she picked up and left and I did what I thought my save a relationship but only served to sacrifice my rights as a father to keep my kids in this state with me. I eventually found a great position with some old school friends and I had a lot of fun selling lightning protection to the oil & gas industry but ultimately I just did not feel fulfilled. I had joined the National Guard to secure some health care benefits for my children and in 2012 the time came to pay the debt for that health care. I trained as a medic and took a trip to Afghanistan to support our nation's war on terror. I got some exposure to both the good and the bad of healthcare and trauma and I found an opportunity to get back on track.
Now with 12 years active duty served in our armed forces I have an opportunity to earn a nursing degree and an active commission as a nurse in the military. I'll be able to retire from the military and still get a great post service career. You will not find much of the oil & gas industry here anymore. I may some day return to the industry as a plant or offshore medical provider but until then this is the sight that I will begin the chronological account of events leading up to this moment.
Today my children live in California with their mother.
I am remarried to the most amazing woman I have ever known.
My future is professionally very bright.
AND
I pray for the day that my children come to live with me in Louisiana.
4 years ago today their mother, having spent the entire month of November in CA, contacted an outpatient women's clinic to have a procedure performed. She had told me at the beginning of October 2009 that she wanted a divorce; she was moving to CA and if I did not let the kids go with her she would never see them again. I should have seen the wisdom in allowing them to have a life without her instead of trying to make sure she was a part of their life. That's my opinion. Perhaps in time you'll agree; perhaps not. I don't care what you think though; this blog, story and life is mine. I'm living it and the only thing you are reading is the manifestation of my best attempt at coping with missing the only good that ever came from my relationship with a woman to whom I was married for over 10 years.
More to come...
No longer working as a headhunter and taking a break from the oil & gas industry I am currently a full time student with plans to start at LSU Health Sciences next fall for the Nursing program.
Years of trying to satisfy the insatiable appetite of my now ex-wife drove me into bankruptcy and a total loss of everything that I thought I was working for. As times got tough she picked up and left and I did what I thought my save a relationship but only served to sacrifice my rights as a father to keep my kids in this state with me. I eventually found a great position with some old school friends and I had a lot of fun selling lightning protection to the oil & gas industry but ultimately I just did not feel fulfilled. I had joined the National Guard to secure some health care benefits for my children and in 2012 the time came to pay the debt for that health care. I trained as a medic and took a trip to Afghanistan to support our nation's war on terror. I got some exposure to both the good and the bad of healthcare and trauma and I found an opportunity to get back on track.
Now with 12 years active duty served in our armed forces I have an opportunity to earn a nursing degree and an active commission as a nurse in the military. I'll be able to retire from the military and still get a great post service career. You will not find much of the oil & gas industry here anymore. I may some day return to the industry as a plant or offshore medical provider but until then this is the sight that I will begin the chronological account of events leading up to this moment.
Today my children live in California with their mother.
I am remarried to the most amazing woman I have ever known.
My future is professionally very bright.
AND
I pray for the day that my children come to live with me in Louisiana.
4 years ago today their mother, having spent the entire month of November in CA, contacted an outpatient women's clinic to have a procedure performed. She had told me at the beginning of October 2009 that she wanted a divorce; she was moving to CA and if I did not let the kids go with her she would never see them again. I should have seen the wisdom in allowing them to have a life without her instead of trying to make sure she was a part of their life. That's my opinion. Perhaps in time you'll agree; perhaps not. I don't care what you think though; this blog, story and life is mine. I'm living it and the only thing you are reading is the manifestation of my best attempt at coping with missing the only good that ever came from my relationship with a woman to whom I was married for over 10 years.
More to come...
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